


The Treacherous Aftermath of Your Demise

by heavensentlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Character Death, Ghost Louis, Human Harry, Love, M/M, Not as weird as it sounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 02:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4417667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heavensentlarry/pseuds/heavensentlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Isn't it amazing how the presence of someone can change your perspective on something that was once terrifying?</p>
<p>Like silence. Without someone, you feel isolated, alone, the place is eery, but when you're with someone it's comforting, you both don't say anything but somehow it means so much. </p>
<p>Louis just realized this now when he was sat in the car with Harry, their fingers interlocked, streetlights going by in a blur, and Harry keeping an eye on the road. The silence that he once feared is now something that he finds comfort in, all because of him. </p>
<p>or au where Louis is a ghost and he looks back on his life with Harry who is very much alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Treacherous Aftermath of Your Demise

**Author's Note:**

> Just a reminder so you don't get confused. *After* appears when Louis is already dead, *Before* appears when Louis is still alive. It's not as weird as it sounds, guys lmao.

*After*

I thought it would be better than this, I really did, but why does it feel like everything is worse? I wander around the world, weightless, becoming something and then nothing in the blink of an eye. I see everyone and everything that I left behind. I see him. 

My dear Harry, don't cry yourself to sleep. If I could hug you and whisper sweet nothings in your ear again then I would. I would trade anything to be back there with you. 

It hurts to see you like this, pushing away your food and rejecting every meal. Staring at the wall as if it's a television. Lying on the bed, facing the ceiling as if you can see the night sky. 

But there's one thing you can't see, and that's me. But I want you to see me again. I want you to see that I'm always watching over you. I'm still there for you even if I'm not physically present. 

I want you to move on and make me a faded memory even if you will always be my most prominent one, my only significant one. I just want you to be happy and not like this. 

*Before*

I stir the sweetener into my coffee slowly, making sure it doesn't spill out of the cup, but maybe I'm just uncomfortable since I feel someone staring at me. I look up slowly and sure enough, someone is staring at me. 

He gives me a small awkward wave which I ignore, snapping right back into stirring my coffee. I'm not good at socializing, I never was. I hear a chair being pushed back and I hope he's just getting up to leave. 

My hopes die down when the chair in front of me is pulled back. 

"Is this seat taken?" He has a low raspy voice that sounds very soothing. I shake my head slowly, never taking my eyes off the coffee. "I think that you've stirred it enough." He chuckles and I stop immediately, rubbing my arm. "Woah, I, uh, it was just a joke but you can keep stirring." 

"I, uh, it's probably good." I finally look up at him and he has worried eyes, emerald colored may I add. I crack a small smile so he stops with his worried look since it's making me feel very weird and self conscious. But that's the thing about eyes, no matter how hard you try to hide your emotions, people can always see right through your act because of them.

"Are you having a good day today?" He asks and I think about it. Do I ever have good days?

"Why'd you ask such a thing?" I frown. You don't really come across strangers that ask questions on a more personal level, in fact, you don't really come across strangers who ask you questions at all. 

"You seemed lonely and I was just being a kind and concerned citizen." He smiles and I do too. Well, he's a nice guy, so what's he doing talking to someone like me? "So, tell me if you feel comfortable with doing so." 

"I don't really know about that-" I cross my arms. I've never felt comfortable with expressing my feelings to anyone nor have they ever made an effort to try and understand me. 

"It's totally fine." He assures me and I nod. Finally someone who doesn't force the answers out of you, someone who doesn't force you to look back on all the terrible things that happened in your life just so you can tell them about it. They can supposedly 'help' but they never do. 

I look at my watch and realize that I've been staying here for a pretty long time, longer than I expected. "I should get going." I grab my bag and he looks disappointed. 

"If you don't want me here then just tell me. I'll leave you and you can go back to drinking your coffee peacefully." He slowly gets up from the seat but I shake my head. He is very polite and understanding, more people should be like him. 

"No, it's not you, I just don't usually stay this late." I explain and he nods, sitting back down. 

"Um, it was nice talking to you." He waves and I do too, a smaller one. I walk out of the coffee shop and head to my house which is only a few blocks down the road, I look at the cars swiftly passing on the road and my feet slowly take me closer and closer to it until a hand pulls me back. 

"You were slowly drifting to the street." It's the boy from the coffee shop again. He must have followed me on my way out. 

"Yeah, I know." I say simply. 

*After*

You've been staying in my apartment ever since I was gone, not heading out even once, not even out of my room.

"I'm not hungry." You said when your mother offered you food for what seemed like the hundredth time. She had been visiting you everyday but all you've done is just shutting her out.

"You have to eat something, Harry." She's frustrated but that's only because she cares for you. Oh, Harry, you spent so much time taking care of me that you've forgotten how to care for yourself. "I know that losing him was hard but you can't just sit in here, sulking all day."

"It's only been two days. Two fucking days of him not being here with me and I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. But you know what hurts the most? He will never be here with me ever again. How do you expect me to cope with that so quickly?" You're absolutely furious because this is the first time I've seen you talk back to your mum like that. She looks down, guilty, and leaves your room.

You hug your knees and cry, again. If I was there, I would try to wrap my arms around you, even if they're ridiculously small. I would stroke your long chocolate brown hair and place soft kisses on your cheek. And we would stay in that position until you're ready to get up again. 

But I'm not there. 

And I have to watch you cry, not being able to do anything about it. 

*Before* 

I find myself walking with this boy who's name I didn't get. 

"I'm Harry, by the way." Well, that saves me the awkward introduction talk. 

"Louis." I say and he nods. He's looking up at the buildings, those that I see and pass by everyday. What could be so interesting about them? They're dull and old. Ordinary. "You find them interesting?" I say and he immediately turns to me, he seems surprised that I even said a word to him. 

"Yeah, I try to find the beauty in everything." He smiles and looks up at them again. "Some people think it's pointless but how can you really enjoy the world we live in if you think everything is ordinary? If you don't identify the uniqueness of everything and their perks?"

"I wish I had your attitude." I sigh and kick some stones on the pavement. "Everything seems monotone to me. I choose to see the big picture and not focus on the little details that make anything worth appreciating." 

"I guess I really do overanalyze everything just to try and find something magnificent in them." He looks down then back at me, his emerald green eyes staring into mine. "But I just had to glance at you to see something magnificent."

*After*

You're sleeping and hugging the pillow where my head used to rest. You're holding it so tight that your fingers are digging into the fabric. You're holding on to it like your life depends on it. 

But no matter how much you move in your sleep, you never, not even once, move to where I used to lay, as if you were still saving that space for me. 

I really do hope that one day you'll get up and let reality dawn on you. Occupy the space on the chalk white sheets where I used to fall asleep and wear a smile on your face, not waking up in the middle of the night because you had another nightmare. 

I would not be cruel enough to appear in your dreams because I know that it would only make you miss me more. I know that it would create this terrible illusion that would only break you even more. 

Oh, Harry, you used to look precious while you slept but now, you just look more broken than ever. 

*Before*

We've already reached my apartment and I stop walking, so does he. It seems like he realizes that this is where we stop. 

"So, is this your place?" He puts his hands in the pockets of his coat. 

"Yup." I nod slowly and so does he. It feels like an awkward front porch scene in a movie before they get to the kiss, although this doesn't end with one. "Thank you for accompanying me." 

"I feel like I should be the one thanking you for the wonderful company." He smiles and it really does flatter me but I don't know he could have thought that. I am far from wonderful company. "Maybe I'll see you again in the coffee shop tomorrow?" It sounds more like a request. 

"Maybe." I smile and make my way inside. Before I shut the door, I glance at him one last time and he's walking away with a smile on his face. 

*After*

Our favorite television show is on but you're just staring at it with a blank face. Your back is hunched and your eyes are still puffy and red from all the crying. Your shirt drapes low, revealing the swallow birds tattooed on your chest. The tattoo that I always used to run my fingers across. 

Your collar bones are more visible and it's clear that you have lost weight. The boy that bugged me to get at least eight hours of sleep and gave me my medicine regularly is now completely refusing to acknowledge his own health. 

I try to run my finger across your cheek when a tear slips but I know you can't feel that, neither can I feel your skin. It used to be something I was so familiar with but now it seems so foreign. I can't inhale your scent, feel the curly locks of your hair when I run my fingers through them, and touch my lips to yours. 

I miss you, Harry. 

*Before*

Harry and I have been talking a lot for the past few days in our usual spot at the coffee shop. I used to stay there for only a few minutes but now I can stay there for hours. I can never hold a conversation for so long unless I'm talking to him. 

He's the only person that I actually feel really comfortable with. It's probably because he never treated me like I was some kind of freak and he made me feel normal. My family always forced me to do this and do that because they thought that it was helping me but it wasn't. It was only making me feel worse about myself. 

My family treated me like some kind of special case but I just wanted to be like any normal person that was my age so that really didn't help with anything. 

But I feel like I can share everything with Harry. I tell him about my interest in singing and songwriting, and he doesn't judge me. He's comforting, he's sweet, and he's just really someone that I need in my life. 

*After*

It's the third day and you finally eat something. It isn't much, but it does count. Your mother looked so happy when you finally accepted the meal and that's the only happy face that I've seen these past few days. 

You eat it very slowly and I can tell you're just forcing yourself to do it. Your hair is a mess and your eye bags are visible, but you're still beautiful. You always will be. 

After a few days I have to leave you, it's the rules, but I just want to stay here even if I can't interact with you because it's the closest I'll get to it. 

I thought I would be incapable of emotions when I left but I still am and the truth stings. I wonder if I changed something in the past, would I still be there with you?

*Before*

Harry and I have been seeing each other for three months and for the first time in my life, I'm actually living. I'm not just existing in this world, counting the days 'til I'm finally taken away but I'm actually living them. 

Existing is so much more different than living and I have never felt more alive. 

Today we're going to a park, nothing fancy. When we get there, he immediately runs around like a child. I laugh at him and he takes my hand. 

"Come on! Don't just stand there!" He drags me with him and we run around the park. Rolling on the grass and laughing 'til our stomachs hurt. We're both exhausted so we just sit on the grass, admiring the surroundings, but Harry is admiring one thing in particular, a flower. "Beautiful." 

"It is." I look at the Daffodil. It was the only one standing out from all the other flowers. 

"Not the flower." Harry says and I look back at him. He slowly cups my cheek with his hand and leans in, kissing me softly. Once we pull away, the both of us laugh. 

*After* 

You finally get up from my bed. You still don't go out of my room or open my windows, letting in the cool breeze, like you used to. You just grab my guitar and play a familiar tune, then it hits me, you're playing the tune of a song we were working on. 

The song we came up with when we were lying down on the grass of the park, the sunlight shining on your face, making you squint and look even more adorable. I sung softly while you played the guitar. I felt confident back then because you made me feel like I had something to be confident about. 

You still play it beautifully and it sounds exactly the same. You sing the lyrics that I wrote down on a short piece of paper and wow, you sing it so much better. Your voice is raspy but soothing, it's something very pleasant to my ears. 

*Before*

We've been together for five months now and Harry decides that it's time to bring me to a party hosted by his parents for their company. 

"You can just come with me and I won't let people bombard you with questions." Harry kisses me softly on my cheek. I smile at this sweet gesture. 

"It's fine, I'll try to be less awkward around your parents." I chuckle and he nods, picking out some black shoes. 

"My mum is a fan of strong cheekbones so I'm sure she'll love you." He winks and I roll my eyes, throwing a pillow at him. 

"I need to get a good outfit so I don't look even more stupid in front of your parents." I sigh and cover my face with my hands, my head is hurting from all this over-thinking. 

"Oh, please, you never look stupid no matter what you wear. Heck, you can wear a trash bag and you'd still look good." He scoffs and I just shake my head, completely disagreeing.

"I'll just go for my different shades of black outfit." I sigh and get up from the bed. 

"Relax, don't get stressed out over an outfit." He massages my back because he knows how much that soothes me. 

"I can't help it. I don't want them to hate me." I run my fingers through my hair and he turns me around to face him. 

"How could they ever hate you? They are going to love you, just like I do." He kisses my nose softly and I smile. 

So we both get ready and head to the party. Harry introduces me to some of his relatives and I just do the classic smile and wave. But now is the moment that will determine my fate, Harry is about to introduce me to his parents. 

"Mum, dad, this is Louis. He's my boyfriend." Harry smiles when he says the word 'boyfriend' and it still feels surreal until now. 

"Pleasure to meet the both of you." I shake both of their hands with a smile on my face. 

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Louis. Wow, Harry, you weren't lying about how handsome he is." His mum smiles and I blush. 

"Well, I didn't need to." Harry puts his arm on my low back. "Louis and I are going to grab some food and come right back to you guys." Harry says and his parents nod. We slowly walk away and I exhale with relief. 

"Okay, that didn't go so bad." I crack a small smile and so does Harry. 

"See? I told you that they'd love you." We reach the buffet and grab some food before heading back to his parents who are sitting in a table full of people. We take our seats and his parents smile at me. 

"So, Louis, what do you do for a living?" His father asks and takes a sip of wine. I'm about to answer until Harry's mother interrupts. 

"Oh, enough about the business talk, I want to know how you guys met." She puts her hands together and looks at Harry, probably waiting for him to start the story. 

"Well, I, um, I first saw Louis at a small cafe in his neighborhood. It was the first time that I've been there actually so I thought I'd get something to drink to energize me, you know? So I took a seat and one things for sure, it wasn't a coincidence that he was right across me." That earns a laugh from the people. "Then I ended up sitting next to him, walking him home, and that's basically a long story short." Louis was relieved that Harry didn't tell them about him stopping Louis from potentially killing himself on the road. 

"Wow, very cute, I love it." Harry's mum claps and I just smile. "Louis, you and my son make quite a pair. Two very gorgeous boys." 

"Thank you." I smile at her. 

"Can I say something now, Anne?" Harry's dad chuckles and his mum nods. "Now, Louis, don't think I'll go easy on you just because my son is a boy. You gotta be nice to him because he can't even a hurt a damn fly." Harry rolls his eyes and I laugh. "Just don't disappoint me and don't hurt my son." 

"I definitely won't." I say and I do mean it. 

*After*

You're still isolated in my room, but you're definitely becoming more productive. You're making songs and actually taking meals. Your nightmares aren't as bad as before anymore and you don't cry yourself to sleep any longer. 

You're a few steps closer to conquering the world, Harry. With your beautiful voice and your talent in writing songs, you're going to make it far. I may not be there with you to share the joy and show you support but I hope you know that I'll always be proud of you and everything you do. 

It's the fourth day today and tomorrow, I have to leave. I can't see you for a while, but I'll be back and hopefully when I'm back, you're making records and singing to thousands of people. I hope you live your life to the fullest and I hope you don't let me bring you down. 

You were the only one who picked me up in my worst moments so it's time for you to pick yourself up. 

*Before*

All the guests are leaving and I'm just in the lobby waiting for Harry to pick me up with his car. I'm just standing there until I hear screams. 

"Run! Run!" Those are the only words I can hear and I automatically panic, exiting the building as soon as possible. Then I see what was driving them out, smoke is coming out of the ballroom and I see huge flames. 

People are stumbling to the ground, coughing, while others are just running for their dear lives. "Savannah? Savannah!" I hear a woman screaming next to me. "Oh my god, she's still in there! Savannah!" The woman tries running back to the ballroom but people start holding her back. 

Savannah must be her child. I decide to enter the building again and sneak past everyone to get back in the ballroom. Once I get there, I immediately cover my nose and crouch down. 

"Savannah!" I shout and I hear a faint scream. "Savannah, is that you!?" Yet another scream. I follow the direction of the scream and I can finally see a little girl sitting in the corner, crying. I run to her and carry her immediately. "It's going to be okay, I'll bring you back to your mother." I say and quickly try to make my way out, but before I can reach the exit, something hits me straight in the back and I fall to the ground, quickly letting go of Savannah. The object on my back is burning and so is my skin. "Hurry! Get outside!" I shout with the last bit of strength I have. She nods quickly and runs outside. 

I lie there and the pain intensifies in my back. I feel the object digging into my skin and I start gasping for fresh air but all I'm inhaling is smoke and it's choking me. I start losing all feeling from my back down and my vision is getting blurry. The last thing I hear is screaming and crying before everything just goes dark. 

*After*

You pick up a newspaper with the article of that event. Luckily, the little girl was saved but I… I wasn't. I got to the hospital with burns so severe that you could almost see my bones. I looked absolutely horrible but you never got disgusted to go near me, to tell me that you loved me. 

There was no chance of saving me, I had lost too much blood and my spine was broken, but you never thought that. You were throwing chairs and going absolutely crazy when the doctors said they couldn't do anything about it because you had high hopes and you thought that I was going to make it. 

Even if I didn't live as long as I wanted to by your side, you gave me so much to remember in a limited amount of time and that's enough for me to say that I have lived a complete life. As I rise up slowly to the light, I see you open the door. 

You walk out and actually head out of my apartment. I'm concerned with what you're about to do and I just hope that you don't hurt yourself. Once you're out, you head to the park where we used to spend most of our time in. You lie on the ground where both of us used to lay. You close your eyes and I watch as the wind blows your hair out of your face. 

You look to your left and see a daffodil, it immediately reminds me of our first kiss and how your lips felt pressed against mine. It was a wonderful feeling, beyond wonderful actually, and I was the happiest I had ever been. 

You pick it up and look at it with a smile, the same memory probably striking you. You get up and start jogging somewhere, I don't know where, but I follow you. Then I realize, you're heading to the cemetery. You walk slowly and look around, finding my grave, and when you see it, it seems like reality had finally hit you. 

You kneel down and tears slip from your eyes. You lay down the daffodil slowly on the cement among the other flowers but you make sure to put it in the middle. 

"Hey, Lou. I hope you can hear me." I can, Harry. "I'm sorry if I wasn't able to come to your funeral… I just- I couldn't bear seeing you in there, I tried to avoid it because I thought that if I did, maybe it would hurt less, but it didn't, not at all. Now it just seems too real. But I just came here to thank you, I know that you always felt the need to thank me for what I did for you but, Louis, it was nothing compared to what you did for me. You didn't see that because you always put yourself down but you're really not as bad as you thought you were, in fact, all I wanted to do was let you see yourself through my eyes, maybe then you'd see your significance, brilliance, and I just can't find enough positive words to describe you. I just wish I could see you again, Louis, but wherever you are, I just hope you're happy because you deserve happiness, you've deserved it your whole life and I wish I had met you sooner to show you that. I love you, Lou." You smile up at the sky and get up. I smile while looking at you. 

The light gets brighter and I see you leaving. Goodbye for now, Harry.


End file.
